Bad. Worse. Worst.

I feel bad. I know many people would be in worse situations than I am. But the worst is yet to come.


Seriously feeling some pressure from work. I see a desperate need for me to absorb as much as I can, as fast as I can, if not I'll continue to be "no-help" to my boss. Knowing me, I never enjoy sitting in any position without contributing enough. By saying "enough" here, I mean to my standard of sufficiency, not somebody else's.


But I guess what's driving my nerves the most wasnt my job, but a few people. One of the most important thing that you need to learn when you step into the "real" world is - how FAKE and REALISTIC some bastards can be. These people will choose to extend their so-called friendship only to those that they feel will somehow bring them some benefit. (yeah I have already experienced that one year ago. and you know exactly that I'm talking about you.) They will be all nice and friendly and polite to those rich and/or influencial people. Meanwhile for the less rich and influencial person like me, they will not bother to pay you respect; they'll just reply your questions with "none of your business", "forgot" to include you in their mailing list, "forgot" to invite you when they go for lunch or movie, "forgot" to notice your existence. (to those who thinks that they're still a kind person, time to stop and think whether you're doing all these to someone.)


The second best part about these people is - they always think that they outsmart everybody else. They'll only pay you respect (notice you existence) when you nod to every single word that they say. When you start to pipe up with your own views which they don't agree, they will never ever stop and reconsider whether what they think is wrong, but immediately they'll think that you're simply dumb for not listening to the "smart" ones. (yeah, cant believe it, but I'm part of the dumb group.) Well, it did annoy me in the starting. But now come to think of it, I should just "accept" their ignorance and let them pay the price later.

22 Dec 2008:
Conclusion - one type of rice feeds hundreds type of people. All we can do is to increase the level of acceptance, over and over again...

Sick. Sien.

Suffering from food poisoning caused by some unknown reason. All I know is that my stomach started to feel uncomfortable after I took the choc milk this morning. And my bro just suffered from the same series of symptoms 2 days ago...

Anyway I know that there is a pile of "toxic waste" in my body and I just cant figure out how I can get it out. Would appreciate if you can share with me any pain-less ways to do that. (I know that the best way is to use my finger and make myself vomit, but very painful ler.)

Breakdown

Broke down last night, after fighting hard to all sorts of depressing matters in the past 2 weeks. I guess it's just part of an emotional cycle. We accumulate our depressions and unhappiness, wait until we reach our storage limit then we burst. Though I'm still in the recovery stage now, I must say that at least now, the scale of my breakdowns is much more manageable compared to the past. And I'm very grateful to have a super efficient "emotion" waste management system by my side =)

Many people may not understand what I see in him; to a lot of people, he's just another boy next door with no special ability. But to me, he has the very ability of making me a better person; at least now, I'm able to look at more things on the positive side, forgive others more easily (you have no idea how some bastards have attacked me recently), be more appreciative to things that are given to me, and in conclusion, I'm more happy with my life than I have ever been in my life.

But of course "more happy" doesnt mean that life is perfect. I still face numerous problems and doubts. But no matter how tough the road ahead is, we still need to move on...

Anyway, still a bit down now... later will "peras ugut" someone for something to cheer me up... maybe dessert will do... that's some kinda privilege that I hardly got to enjoy before this =P

In The End

Got home around 4.30pm (record-breaking) and my room is really really bloody hot...

Argh. I still havent got the time (and discipline) to update my Houston trip post. and now I've got my Penang trip to update somemore...

Anyway this 2 weeks I'll be attending course (break from work). Haha.

I dunno what to say here. There are things stuck in my head which I really wish I could just splurt out but I know I shouldn't disclose too much of my personal thoughts here. Well, obviously if I write it out, everyone will know whom I'm talking about, and obviously I shouldn't even be talking or thinking about this person's wellbeing anyway.

Better to just zip my mouth...