Today is a good day because... Garfield will be here tomorrow =D
And because today was a simple day - non-stop work in office, simple vegetarian lunch, simple noodle for dinner at home, watch TV, chat with MV and KC, mask...
And my mood has been pretty good for the whole day...
Today is a good day.
Showing posts with label Me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Me. Show all posts
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
My Sister's Keeper
Another great movie night.
Anna's parents brought her to this world to save her sister, Kate. She donated everything that her sister needed - umbilical cord blood, bone marrow, and the next thing on the wish list - her kidney. She was never asked for her permission before doctors take all these from her. Then she decided to sue her parents in order for medical emancipation - which turns out to be a request by Kate, as she believed that even with the kidney transplant, she would not survive.
I guess the parents were just too occupied by the thought of saving Kate who's dying, and didn't realize that Anna is just as important and precious to them.
(Guess that's just how we are? Paying attention to things that we may lose or don't have, and ignore beautiful things that we already own?)
And today was a working public holiday (how does that work?).
Anna's parents brought her to this world to save her sister, Kate. She donated everything that her sister needed - umbilical cord blood, bone marrow, and the next thing on the wish list - her kidney. She was never asked for her permission before doctors take all these from her. Then she decided to sue her parents in order for medical emancipation - which turns out to be a request by Kate, as she believed that even with the kidney transplant, she would not survive.
I guess the parents were just too occupied by the thought of saving Kate who's dying, and didn't realize that Anna is just as important and precious to them.
(Guess that's just how we are? Paying attention to things that we may lose or don't have, and ignore beautiful things that we already own?)
And today was a working public holiday (how does that work?).
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
I Feel...
Emo swing kicks in again - I am reminded by a dream of someone, whom I really wish to befriend again. Come November, it'll be 3 years. What wound could run so deep, that even 3 years worth of time can't heal? (I really wish to talk to him again. Just as simple as asking - how are you doing?)
Anyway. I guess I'm just frustrated with my current state.
In a way, I know that I'm lucky cause many good things are coming/came my way. Even the not so good news coming from the Budget, we are lucky that things aren't hitting us too badly.
But I think I'm really overloaded with work. I am actually feeling guilty for not working on weekends. I don't think I can handle 2 jobs with only 24 hours (plus my side career - you know what I mean).
My strength comes from the diamond ring, and the man who's 380km away from me, who gave me the ring. And the light at the end of the tunnel.
Anyway. I guess I'm just frustrated with my current state.
In a way, I know that I'm lucky cause many good things are coming/came my way. Even the not so good news coming from the Budget, we are lucky that things aren't hitting us too badly.
But I think I'm really overloaded with work. I am actually feeling guilty for not working on weekends. I don't think I can handle 2 jobs with only 24 hours (plus my side career - you know what I mean).
My strength comes from the diamond ring, and the man who's 380km away from me, who gave me the ring. And the light at the end of the tunnel.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Sickening
3rd flu in 2 months time - am really sick of getting sick.
The antibiotic is making me dizzy. Feel like walking in the cloud.
The noise coming from the neighbour's renovation work behind my room is driving me crazy. So is the hazy air and scorching hot weather.
Just wish to be healthy.
To be able to work late in the office.
Wanna go shopping (clothes, furniture, car).
Wanna go play badminton (tomorrow is the final match of the season!).
Guess the air outside of the ostrich hole is too hazardous.
Time to go back into my cosy hole?
And hopefully no more flu.
The antibiotic is making me dizzy. Feel like walking in the cloud.
The noise coming from the neighbour's renovation work behind my room is driving me crazy. So is the hazy air and scorching hot weather.
Just wish to be healthy.
To be able to work late in the office.
Wanna go shopping (clothes, furniture, car).
Wanna go play badminton (tomorrow is the final match of the season!).
Guess the air outside of the ostrich hole is too hazardous.
Time to go back into my cosy hole?
And hopefully no more flu.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Penthouse and Sweet Escape
The butcher did not know.
He did not know the reason behind her distant gaze. All he knew was how much he loved to see her smile, although it always seemed to appear between a lingering sense of sadness.
She walked into his shop, once in every two weeks, always on a Thursday, at about 10am. Some days she was late, but her order was always the same - a cut of sirloin, for one.
----
"Marry me," he said.
Her answer could not have been anything else, and she knew the very first day she met him. It was the happiest day of her life.
"But there's no ring," she teased.
"There will be," he beamed.
"Will it be Cartier? Oh.. oh.. can I have my dream wedding - champagne, thousands of red roses, a Vera Wang gown...... then.. you know.. someday.. we'll move into a penthouse... right in the middle of the city.....!"
He held her in his arms, gently kissed her on her forehead and whispered, "Marry me and I will give you everything - everything, anything, just to see you smile".
----
----
Going into town was her sweet escape.
She'd change into the old 'rags' she used to wear, put on a scarf and sunglasses, take the public bus 2 hours out of the city.
For one day, at least, she could be herself again and not pretend.
----
Their penthouse had never felt as empty.
The children were away at their grandmother's, as they were every Thursday.
Her head was buried in her hands, she had finished talking and had nothing left but tears.
He was silent. His frequent business travels had worn him out, he was not quite the charming young man he used to be.
"Such irony.... I was trying so hard to make you happy, you were pretending just to do the same......"
She looked up at him.
"But neither of us were happy... were we?"
He laughed.
"It was the steaks wasn't it... You know... it was too delicious to be true.."
----
"Ma'am, he left something for you," the lawyer's secretary passed her an envelope.
It was the deed to a small cottage house in town.
"I loved you so much, I didn't know how to show it. I'm sorry. I hope he makes you happy because I couldn't"
----
Not fortelling anyone's life.. (although the story was spun off it!) just a fragmented mishmash of here and there, inclusive of my very jaded feelings.. hmm.
----
Above article is taken from a friend's blog.
This serves as a reminder to me - am I pretending to be happy to the point that I successfully fooled myself?
Still searching for the answer...
He did not know the reason behind her distant gaze. All he knew was how much he loved to see her smile, although it always seemed to appear between a lingering sense of sadness.
She walked into his shop, once in every two weeks, always on a Thursday, at about 10am. Some days she was late, but her order was always the same - a cut of sirloin, for one.
----
"Marry me," he said.
Her answer could not have been anything else, and she knew the very first day she met him. It was the happiest day of her life.
"But there's no ring," she teased.
"There will be," he beamed.
"Will it be Cartier? Oh.. oh.. can I have my dream wedding - champagne, thousands of red roses, a Vera Wang gown...... then.. you know.. someday.. we'll move into a penthouse... right in the middle of the city.....!"
He held her in his arms, gently kissed her on her forehead and whispered, "Marry me and I will give you everything - everything, anything, just to see you smile".
----
----
Going into town was her sweet escape.
She'd change into the old 'rags' she used to wear, put on a scarf and sunglasses, take the public bus 2 hours out of the city.
For one day, at least, she could be herself again and not pretend.
----
Their penthouse had never felt as empty.
The children were away at their grandmother's, as they were every Thursday.
Her head was buried in her hands, she had finished talking and had nothing left but tears.
He was silent. His frequent business travels had worn him out, he was not quite the charming young man he used to be.
"Such irony.... I was trying so hard to make you happy, you were pretending just to do the same......"
She looked up at him.
"But neither of us were happy... were we?"
He laughed.
"It was the steaks wasn't it... You know... it was too delicious to be true.."
----
"Ma'am, he left something for you," the lawyer's secretary passed her an envelope.
It was the deed to a small cottage house in town.
"I loved you so much, I didn't know how to show it. I'm sorry. I hope he makes you happy because I couldn't"
----
Not fortelling anyone's life.. (although the story was spun off it!) just a fragmented mishmash of here and there, inclusive of my very jaded feelings.. hmm.
----
Above article is taken from a friend's blog.
This serves as a reminder to me - am I pretending to be happy to the point that I successfully fooled myself?
Still searching for the answer...
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Dilemma vs Sweet Escape
I'm in a dilemma.
I'm vulnerable and hurt but he doesn't know - not that I never told him, but he just doesn't see and feel it.
I found a sweet escape. Moments of pure happiness (and good laughters), when the reality and pain are hundreds of miles from my mind.
But I wonder how far and how long should I indulge in this escape from reality?
But I just can't stand to think about the reality.
Figuring a way out reminds me too much of the pain and disappointment.
I'm vulnerable and hurt but he doesn't know - not that I never told him, but he just doesn't see and feel it.
I found a sweet escape. Moments of pure happiness (and good laughters), when the reality and pain are hundreds of miles from my mind.
But I wonder how far and how long should I indulge in this escape from reality?
But I just can't stand to think about the reality.
Figuring a way out reminds me too much of the pain and disappointment.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Happy Birthday to Me...
Happy birthday to me... the Ugly Betty...
I can't say that I'm not happy today - at least the wonderful 3.5 hours of Redbox session with some witty funny coursemates really made my day...
But I can't help to recognize the fact - the entire day passed just as any other Saturday - sing K, shopping, dinner at Dragon-i... nothing more nothing less...
No surprise.
No roses.
No teddy bear.
Only "let me pay for that blouse..."
Only "where you wanna have dinner?"
Which are normal anyway.
Nothing was even planned. (I organized the Redbox session myself. OK he booked the room for us.)
I guess that's how an Ugly Betty celebrates her birthday.
Or maybe that's how an Independent Woman celebrates her birthday?
(I really need to stop crying. I still have one hour of birthday left.)
Breathe. Smile.
Update:
Feeling 100x happier now - after getting roses and chocolates =)
Thank you all for the wishes...
I can't say that I'm not happy today - at least the wonderful 3.5 hours of Redbox session with some witty funny coursemates really made my day...
But I can't help to recognize the fact - the entire day passed just as any other Saturday - sing K, shopping, dinner at Dragon-i... nothing more nothing less...
No surprise.
No roses.
No teddy bear.
Only "let me pay for that blouse..."
Only "where you wanna have dinner?"
Which are normal anyway.
Nothing was even planned. (I organized the Redbox session myself. OK he booked the room for us.)
I guess that's how an Ugly Betty celebrates her birthday.
Or maybe that's how an Independent Woman celebrates her birthday?
(I really need to stop crying. I still have one hour of birthday left.)
Breathe. Smile.
Update:
Feeling 100x happier now - after getting roses and chocolates =)
Thank you all for the wishes...
Monday, July 6, 2009
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Weee... =)
I'm so happy! I thought I had no chance, but I got it! *bliss*
P/S: we bought our 1st home!
P/S: we bought our 1st home!
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Nightmare
Imagine...
When you open up your camera bag, you find your lens detached from your camera body, both of them sitting "naked" (without the covers) in the bag...
Imagine no further - cause that's what happened to me this morning!!!
I almost cried (again) when I saw this. They have been sitting there naked for 3 days.
I didn't dare to check. Immediately I attached the lens to the body, then I took deep breaths. (Was afraid that I would pass out)
I can only blame myself - for assuming others would have the "general knowledge" of how to put a camera in its bag.
Diving deeper into negativity...
When you open up your camera bag, you find your lens detached from your camera body, both of them sitting "naked" (without the covers) in the bag...
Imagine no further - cause that's what happened to me this morning!!!
I almost cried (again) when I saw this. They have been sitting there naked for 3 days.
I didn't dare to check. Immediately I attached the lens to the body, then I took deep breaths. (Was afraid that I would pass out)
I can only blame myself - for assuming others would have the "general knowledge" of how to put a camera in its bag.
Diving deeper into negativity...
Monday, May 25, 2009
The Reason
This post is dedicated to the Stitch.
I was kinda quiet throughout the evening, not really because I don't have much to tell you. But I was distracted - thinking about what have I really achieved?
I guess it's a "depressing" thought when the best reason that we could come up for our job is money. I didn't want to accept that (though I myself is in a deep job-depression now).
To me, the main "driver" for me would be all the wonderful things that we could do with the money that we earned from our job, like...
buying Stitch dinner
buying my family dinner
sponsoring children
buying our new home
and knowing that we have money in our accounts when we need it for emergency
Maybe one of the reasons that I've allowed myself to dwell so deep in job-depression, is because I have forgotten to remind myself of all these REASONS...
I was kinda quiet throughout the evening, not really because I don't have much to tell you. But I was distracted - thinking about what have I really achieved?
I guess it's a "depressing" thought when the best reason that we could come up for our job is money. I didn't want to accept that (though I myself is in a deep job-depression now).
To me, the main "driver" for me would be all the wonderful things that we could do with the money that we earned from our job, like...
buying Stitch dinner
buying my family dinner
sponsoring children
buying our new home
and knowing that we have money in our accounts when we need it for emergency
Maybe one of the reasons that I've allowed myself to dwell so deep in job-depression, is because I have forgotten to remind myself of all these REASONS...
Monday, May 18, 2009
Quiet
Been "quiet" here.
Been extremely busy - work, "part time" wedding planner, few dosage of "socializing" needs (which basically means different types/groups of gathering)
Still trying my best to fight off the negativity which came from the fact that my lead engineer is dependent on me o.O"
Today I really lost my head, and told him directly that
"There are things that graduate engineers are paid to do, such as reviewing drawings or attending courses or attending meetings to learn. Certainly reviewing HSE performance standards or design verification matrix should be lead's work."
Did that improve the situation? No. Cause the gap is still there (mainly knowledge on the project).
I'm losing the energy to even complain.
All I can do is - be quiet, do the work, and more work, and more work.
(20th is coming really soon.)
Been extremely busy - work, "part time" wedding planner, few dosage of "socializing" needs (which basically means different types/groups of gathering)
Still trying my best to fight off the negativity which came from the fact that my lead engineer is dependent on me o.O"
Today I really lost my head, and told him directly that
"There are things that graduate engineers are paid to do, such as reviewing drawings or attending courses or attending meetings to learn. Certainly reviewing HSE performance standards or design verification matrix should be lead's work."
Did that improve the situation? No. Cause the gap is still there (mainly knowledge on the project).
I'm losing the energy to even complain.
All I can do is - be quiet, do the work, and more work, and more work.
(20th is coming really soon.)
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Unstable 2
Unstable-ness has returned.
Been quarrelling with him very frequently.
Conclusion: very grateful that I have him =)
Been quarrelling with him very frequently.
Conclusion: very grateful that I have him =)
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Q: How do you know when someone blocks you in Facebook?
A: When you see your friends responding to his comment while you don't see any of his comments showing up.
Q: What kinda jerk would block people in Facebook?
A: I have no idea...
Q: Why?
A: Perhaps he couldn't stand to share the "airtime" with you, even if it's just commenting on friend's status in Facebook. He just couldn't stand to see your name and picture (perhaps the display picture is too happy).
After more than 2 years, what is the problem with him? Perhaps somebody should teach him what is "forgive and forget".
(You know whom I'm talking about.)
A: When you see your friends responding to his comment while you don't see any of his comments showing up.
Q: What kinda jerk would block people in Facebook?
A: I have no idea...
Q: Why?
A: Perhaps he couldn't stand to share the "airtime" with you, even if it's just commenting on friend's status in Facebook. He just couldn't stand to see your name and picture (perhaps the display picture is too happy).
After more than 2 years, what is the problem with him? Perhaps somebody should teach him what is "forgive and forget".
(You know whom I'm talking about.)
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Mount K
It's a shame to admit - but I'm actually getting more and more nervous. 8 days to the hike. I almost fainted after 3.5 rounds of Batu Caves last weekend. I slipped and fell flat on the floor during shower on Sunday - and now my right arm aches. I have rashes on my legs cause I'm allergic to the Salonpas plaster. I'm no where near to "fit" and my confidence was flushed away in the toilet bowl.
This "vacation" is making me tensed, and tired.
Can I even make it to Laban Rata?
*What kinda vacation is this...*
This "vacation" is making me tensed, and tired.
Can I even make it to Laban Rata?
*What kinda vacation is this...*
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Bottleneck
I thought I know what I want, but when I'm really arriving at the juncture, I suddenly realized that I was not as decisive as I thought I would be.
I think I know what I want, but I don't wanna force him into something that he (or we) is not ready for.
This tug-of-war in my head is making me restless. I try my best not to think about it but I find it harder to sleep at night.
I need... we need... a breakthrough...
I think I know what I want, but I don't wanna force him into something that he (or we) is not ready for.
This tug-of-war in my head is making me restless. I try my best not to think about it but I find it harder to sleep at night.
I need... we need... a breakthrough...
Monday, March 2, 2009
Blue Monday
Today... no good ah...
2 banks forcing me to visit them physically in order to get things done.
Issuing the 3rd cheque for my colleague just to pay RM 130 for his stay in company bungalow. (The part that I hate the most is, I have to go to the bank physically to cancel the cheque that he lost.)
My "brilliant" agent sent me auction property info via fax while I'm out of office. (Not sure what my boss/colleagues would think when they see those stuff.)
Cough starting to develop.
Wasted one whole morning in a meaningless meeting.
Perhaps the only good thing is - my senior took over most of my extra "work" that my lead engineer decided to make me do. Very thankful for that, even though I know my learning curve will slow down, but I assure you, having more than 3 packages/items that I am completely new to is destined to be disaster.
2 banks forcing me to visit them physically in order to get things done.
Issuing the 3rd cheque for my colleague just to pay RM 130 for his stay in company bungalow. (The part that I hate the most is, I have to go to the bank physically to cancel the cheque that he lost.)
My "brilliant" agent sent me auction property info via fax while I'm out of office. (Not sure what my boss/colleagues would think when they see those stuff.)
Cough starting to develop.
Wasted one whole morning in a meaningless meeting.
Perhaps the only good thing is - my senior took over most of my extra "work" that my lead engineer decided to make me do. Very thankful for that, even though I know my learning curve will slow down, but I assure you, having more than 3 packages/items that I am completely new to is destined to be disaster.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Silent
I have been refraining myself from talking to people. Don’t want to whine. I don’t mind people knowing that I’m unhappy and demotivated – but I just don’t feel like repeating the tale again and again.
The best that I can do now…
1. Remind myself that I’m not in the worst situation. I’m not the only one who doesn’t know when I’ll move to my next location. I’m not the only one who worked hard yet not being appreciated. I have been lucky to get a good boss so now I’ll just have to accept the fact that not all bosses are that nice to work with. I’m not the only one who’s working in a messy project team. And… at least my performance factor is not that bad.
2. I need to re-strategize. My old strategy doesn’t seem to work well. Instead of appreciating the additional value that I bring to the company, my bosses seemed to think that I’m not doing enough for my day job as I’m being distracted by my “extra-curricular activities”. They don’t seem to understand that my problem is not the workload of piled up drawings and reports – but the unstable organization that makes me one day a graduate engineer, and next day the acting lead engineer. All these transitions day in day out is driving me mad.
3. Stop worrying about things that are out of my control – put them all aside and focus on work and life! I only have 4 months left in KL, which is another reason that I’m feeling uneasy.
Anyway thanks to MV, BS and Garfield… for listening/distracting/letting me to vent…
P/S: This is the first time that I’m writing blog in office =P
The best that I can do now…
1. Remind myself that I’m not in the worst situation. I’m not the only one who doesn’t know when I’ll move to my next location. I’m not the only one who worked hard yet not being appreciated. I have been lucky to get a good boss so now I’ll just have to accept the fact that not all bosses are that nice to work with. I’m not the only one who’s working in a messy project team. And… at least my performance factor is not that bad.
2. I need to re-strategize. My old strategy doesn’t seem to work well. Instead of appreciating the additional value that I bring to the company, my bosses seemed to think that I’m not doing enough for my day job as I’m being distracted by my “extra-curricular activities”. They don’t seem to understand that my problem is not the workload of piled up drawings and reports – but the unstable organization that makes me one day a graduate engineer, and next day the acting lead engineer. All these transitions day in day out is driving me mad.
3. Stop worrying about things that are out of my control – put them all aside and focus on work and life! I only have 4 months left in KL, which is another reason that I’m feeling uneasy.
Anyway thanks to MV, BS and Garfield… for listening/distracting/letting me to vent…
P/S: This is the first time that I’m writing blog in office =P
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
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